They say you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. I didn’t meet or see my bio father until I was 50 years old – he was in jail when I was born… in regards to my bio mother – I only saw her once or twice perhaps while she held me.

Most people can trace their family lineage back for 2 or 3 generations; my history was that I had to press to get information about my birth family. I had to reach out to CFS to request information and glean some tidbits of info from the Swan River Star and Times. It’s tempting to imagine white picket fences and family thanksgiving dinners but my families history is a little darker than that.

My mom died 2 weeks after I was born, she bled to death. The doctors told her that having me might kill her but she wanted nothing more than to have a baby. She is dead because of me, I know that.

Although from some aspects of my life, I’ve been a jerk – I’ve got a lot to make up for that’s for sure. On the other hand, I’ve always remembered my birth mothers sacrifice and made sure it wasn’t for nothing. I’ve spent my entire adult life helping people whenever possible – being the uncle, friend, or protector that I never had growing up.

I hope beyond hope that someone told my mother about Jesus Christ, that she at some point – gave her life to Christ. Its a thought that has been in my mind for years. Life is too short to hold anger or unforgiveness. And God commands us to forgive – 1 John 4:20 “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.”

So for anybody I’ve ever hurt, I’m sincerely sorry – even if I didn’t realize what I did; it I’m still guilty. I’m not going to make excuses – with that being said, I’m not the man I used to be – I’ve put aside the old me and am a new creation in Christ. I want to be that man God made me to be and be that man my mother would be proud of. Choosing to live for God with all my heart and loving the people around me is the best decision I’ve ever made. I hope the day comes that I will be in heaven and it would be so wonderful if my mom is there to greet me.

Jason